"And Spring Arose On The Garden Fair..."

Happy spring! I love this time of year because all my neighbors slither out from under their parkas and we catch up on what happened over the winter. Hot Neighbor also does yard work shirt-less so I’m especially looking forward to that. The snow finally melted, which only reminds me I no longer have an excuse not to get outside and jog. I staged a revolt against the cold and painted my toenails and slapped on my flip-flops. Feeling pretty good about life again. So good I even thought about getting motivated enough to do some spring cleaning, but all I got around to doing was installing fresh “wallflowers”, which are those smelly good things you plug in. So, at least the winter filth smells good.
Well the gym membership didn’t last so now I’m focusing on food. I’m officially 4 days into the Dr. Siegal Cookie Diet. But it’s expensive (tummy tuck is probably cheaper than these things) so instead of 6 cookies and dinner, I’m eating 3 cookies, 1 protein shake and dinner. Last night was fish and asparagus…God help me I need a deep fat fried anything. The cookies don’t taste entirely awful, but the texture isn’t my favorite. There are squishy balls of something in them that are a little difficult to maneuver past my gag reflex. Some sort of wheat I’m assuming. And the protein shake isn’t so bad either if you drink it immediately. Otherwise it froths up a bit and it’s a little like swallowing wet Styrofoam. And my mom warned me about diving into this protein business and guess what…she was right as usual. You need an Immodium chaser with this stuff. I didn’t realize that’s what she was referring to when she said “ease into it”.
Since I’m doing so well all day and evening, I decided it was okay to have a little afternoon snack each day. Chocolate covered pomegranates. A serving size is 28 and since I can’t do daily value percentage math in my head, I count out 28 little balls of happy and take them back to my desk. Every day I try really hard to make them last more than 90 milliseconds. But it’s actually a little embarrassing how fast I can eat these things and I’m always so surprised and disappointed when they’re gone. It says “source of antioxidants” on the package so I feel like I’m practically eating health food. Of course, red wine is also a phenomenal source of antioxidants so maybe THAT’S what my afternoon snack will be tomorrow!

A Zombie Theme...Because I Sort Of Feel Like One

After two ER visits and one surgery, I think I’m ready to attempt reentry into my former life. Unfortunately, I did not get to keep my gallbladder eternally hovering in a formaldehyde marinade. It had to be sent off to pathology so there goes my shelf of “things that used to work inside my body until I got old”.
Thanks to the makers of Dilaudid for making my stay in La-La-Land post-op a happy one. And anyone I may have phoned during that time…sorry about that.
Last weekend, just a few days into recovery, I took a jaunt to my Verizon store to trade in my old clunker for a shiny new Blackberry. The chick was scrolling through my photos to make sure they all transferred (thank God I erased all those porn pics) and she scrolled right to the picture I took of my eyeball last Christmas when I had the worst case of pink eye known to man and my eye was solid red, misshapen and bulging pretty fiercely. She looked at me like I was a freak. I just shrugged and said “zombie eye”. She let it go, but they probably made a note in the computer about me.
Guess what I’m getting for the third anniversary of my 29th birthday? Complete set of Zombie action figures. Glow-in-the-dark! Now I just need to upload “Zombieland” to my new Blackberry and it’ll be good to be me.
Thanks for everyone’s cards, flowers, dinners and help before and after my surgery. Having you all in my life is another reason it’s good to be me. :)